How many times have you heard the old cliché? You know, the one people use when talking about days of yore, when their experience in decision-making wasn’t at its peak. We’ve all had those moments that can be best described as a lack of judgment. These insightful stories usually begin with “I was young” or “If only I knew what I know now”, or my personal favorite, “coulda, shoulda, woulda”. We can all appreciate the occasionally unavoidable bad calls, but does this old saying actually hold weight? Or is it some form of justification for our personal history of mistakes?
Just think of all the sunburns we’ve had. We start to feel a little pasty, slather on the tanning oil and hope that we don’t burn too badly. Then comes the dreaded shower-we can barely stand the water touching our skin, and we think “ugh, if only I didn’t stay out that extra hour (or two, depending on who you are)”.
I can remember getting a call late one night from my friend “Samantha.” Trying to listen through the tears and mumbling I gathered that she’d just been pulled over and given a DUI. Now coming from the town we grew up in, this was a regular occurrence among young adults. In fact, her college dorm roommate had just gone through this ordeal. But that’s the very reason my response was more of confusion than of shared anger best friends are supposed to simulate. She was supposed to know better, and she did know better. To this day, though, Samantha will wrap her story up with “If I could go back, I would have just stayed home”. I bite my tongue and hold my lectures captive, however. I know that her ‘bad judgment call’ was credited to gambling, not ignorance. She knew first hand what the outcome of drinking and driving could be, however she chose to take a chance-to gamble. In my opinion she, like so many of us, blames the hindsight effect in an effort to alleviate any convictions we feel over our decisions. It’s a ‘feel good’ factor.
While revisiting my own arsenal of fork-in-the-road moments, I’ve wondered if my discernment really could have been avoided? Take for instance my relationship with “Ted”. I met Ted at Chicago’s O’Hare airport on a random Tuesday afternoon in June. I was stressed out, tired and waiting for my name to be called on the stand-by list. While standing impatiently, I couldn’t help but notice this guy who I could only assume was gay (in my defense, he was dressed impeccably well and wearing a fanny pack-an honest mistake). He came up and started talking to me. Aside from his unimaginably huge ego, he smelled of stale alcohol. He was nice though, so I tolerated the conversation. As it turned out he too was flying stand-by, so we both worked our way to the counter to see what our chances were. For some reason the gate agent tried desperately to sit Ted and I together, despite my efforts to sit anywhere else. To my pleasant surprise however, she didn’t have two seats next to each other. I was in the clear, until that is, we boarded the aircraft. Three random passengers stood up at different times to offer their seat so this Ted and I could sit together. We passed on the first two offers, but then gave in and chalked it up to fate. The reason I bring up this encounter? We dated well over a year when on that very day I could have listened to my gut telling me to steer clear. I knew from the start that we were not right for each other, but instead told myself that it had to be fate. Years after we split I’d find myself thinking, “if only I knew better”, but in truth I did know better. I simply chose not to listen. What’s sadder than that, I could share with you more stories of a similar background.
I think of all the times I spent money that should have been saved. Instead, I chose to gamble with high hopes on avoiding unfortunate circumstances. I’ve had jobs that I turned down because another higher paying (yet unstable) employer presented itself, only to have them go out of business 4 weeks after starting. I’ve dyed my hair every color under the rainbow because I wanted to live a little, even when I knew the risks. I’ve skipped workouts, paid for movies I never wanted to see and avoided phone calls that I should have taken. My point is this-every single time I’ve chosen the wrong path, I’ve summed it up as a ‘had I known better’ moment when in reality, I think I did know better. Until now, I believed that I too have fallen victim to the “hindsight 20/20” phenomenon, but did I? Or was it simply a case of perfect vision with misguided intentions- the one that causes us to turn a blind eye?
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